It was a Thursday evening, and I was having a hushed telephone conversation with a total stranger. I am a veteran in the sex work field, so these conversations are fairly routine: men call me after their wives and kids fall asleep, or from their offices during lunch, or before going on a date they are nervous about. Sometimes, they want nothing more than setting up a date to release stress or for me to talk dirty. But often, they want a lot more than that.
In this particular situation, I sensed that the client fell in the latter category: he seemed less interested in having actual sex or phone sex, and more interested in reflecting on his experiences as a client or more-or-less with the need to have a conversation that he knew would only be perceived, with no judgment from a woman with my level of experience.
“How can I help you and please explain for me to be able to understand more about what you are looking for?" I asked him. After a long pause, he finally replied: “Hmmm… I suppose the good ones already know this, but that we [male clients] are lonely, and that we are vulnerable," he said. He was right.
I've been doing sex work for about 15 years now. "Sex work" is a broad term that encompasses a wide range of sexual services, from stripping to escorting to shooting porn to having phone sex to illegal prostitution. (Going forward, I'll be using the term to describe forms of sex work that are both legal and consensual.)
In my experience as a sex worker, sex or dirty talk is probably the least important part of the job. Clients call for a wide range of reasons, but underlying all of these desires is a need for connection. Because if there's one thing I've learned from doing sex work, it's that many men are extraordinarily lonely or unable to express themselves sexually to partners.
It's no wonder, then, that many men/clients, not knowing where else to turn, discuss their most intimate secrets with sex workers: their relationship struggles, their insecurities about their bodies, the kinks that they are embarrassed to share with their partners. That's why sex workers have a unique window into men's mental health issues: they share things with me that they would not share with anyone else.
Over most of a decade, clients have been consulting me because they're afraid to tell their wives and girlfriends about what they want in bed. For example, one of my clients is straight and married but has intense fantasies of having sexual relationships with other men. Most of his fantasies involved myself pretending to order him or trick him into performing sexual acts on other men.
He needs me to put him in this vulnerable place that he wouldn’t dare go with his wife or girlfriend, for fear of rejection, an important part of the job.
I do consider myself an empath, and I think this is why men are genuinely drawn to me.
Men have such a hard time talking about sex and what they are into, that they view sex workers as one of their few outlets for their secret desires.
Let me introduce myself, the name is Miss Jessica
Sex and relationship therapist for both individual sex therapy or couples therapy. Call me now toll-free at 1(800) 673-1565 for your FREE 15 min phone consultation.